Football Season
25/07/08 16:43
Well ladies and gents, fall is definitely in the air!
Okay, maybe I’m kidding myself, but I wish that fall were in the air. See fall brings with it some of my favorite things such as cooler weather, giant leaf piles to dive in and demolish, holidays (meaning food), and FOOTBALL!
Oh yeah! I am a football freak and I am not afraid to admit it. There is nothing better than watching grown men beat the crap out of each other as they battle it out on a crisp Sunday afternoon.
And one of the very best things about football is the wonderful family rivalry that comes along with it. See you have my Dad who will be a die-hard Cowboys fan until he finally kicks it and is buried in his blue and white coffin. Then you have my Mom and oldest sister who have a thing for Green Bay, mainly because they both have a thing for Brett Farve. (Who, on a side note, really needs to bow out gracefully before he can qualify for AARP.) Then my other sister (you know, the traitor that made me wear a kilt) likes the Patriots for the same reason, aka Tom Brady.
And last but not least you have my team THE BRONCOS! Yes, I also sport the orange and blue, and will never support those rotten no good Cowboys. (Unless they are playing the Patriots or the Packers and then it’s just to bug the girls.)
As you can probably guess, game day at my parent’s house is nothing if not interesting. We all show up like clockwork sporting our teams colors and armed with a barrage of insults to hurl at on another. Then we fight over who gets the good seats (Dad always wins) and crack a cold one while we get comfy. It’s the only time in my life that I have been allowed (even supported!) to yell at my sisters and call them rotten names without fear of retribution or punishment.
But as much as I love football, there have always been a few traditions that I just don’t get. And I would like to take a moment to point them out to you.
Shirtless Painted Guy
I have to admit that this is the one that probably gets me the most. I mean, why on earth would you strip down to your jeans and then cover your body in nothing but paint only to go stand in the cold for three to four hours? Oh, but they do usually throw on some kind of hat like that is going to make a difference when you are already half naked.
Makes less than no sense to me. I would be so focused on not shivering as the camera went by that there is no way that I could enjoy the game. I mean, I love my Broncox, but I can love them just as much fully clothed in my nice warm jersey and jacket.
And on a side note, how do these guys get home? Because you know that paint would get all over some poor saps car. Just a little something that I have always wondered, and now, you will too!
Beer/Soda Helmets
You know what I’m talking about. Those goofy contraptions that guys wear on their heads loaded with two beers and a long bendy straw. My question is, what on earth do you need your hands free for? To yell at the ref?
See, this is one that I have seen in action more than once, and it always ends badly. One of my sisters dated this guy that swore by his strange beer head contraption. But the thing was that every time I saw him use it he ended up with more beer on his person than in his person.
I will admit that the catastrophe happened a variety of different ways, such as spillage during set up, a low hanging door frame, and the ever dangerous post touchdown celebratory chest bump. All were fun to watch on my end, but none of the above made me want to jump on that fad train. It just made me want to point and laugh at the people who did.
Proposing over Jumbo-Trons
This is something that I have always found weird. I mean, what chick wants what they view as the most romantic moment of their life to take place in between replays of the other team scoring and the sound of the guy next to them cussing out the ref? But, since I am not a girl, I decided to get second and third opinions from people who were. And to be fair I sought out chicks who dig football as much as I do, namely my sisters.
As it turns out, they agree with me. (For once) So note to the fellas, if you are thinking about popping the big question, then do so in your own words. Don’t count on 60 feet of plasma to do it for you.
And I have to admit that even though I don’t necessarily understand all of the strange traditions that surround the wonderful game of football, just talking about them gets me all excited. Makes me think that its time to pull out the old foam finger and knock the dust off of my lucky socks, which are carefully double bagged and stored in the freezer in order to maintain their perfect unwashed state. Just perfect for propping up on one of my sisters when they least expect it.
Oh Yeah Baby! Football time is almost here!
I must say it is nice to be able to check out football, and I am happy I have a home to stay in and watch it, unlike some that are less fortunate.
Okay, maybe I’m kidding myself, but I wish that fall were in the air. See fall brings with it some of my favorite things such as cooler weather, giant leaf piles to dive in and demolish, holidays (meaning food), and FOOTBALL!
Oh yeah! I am a football freak and I am not afraid to admit it. There is nothing better than watching grown men beat the crap out of each other as they battle it out on a crisp Sunday afternoon.
And one of the very best things about football is the wonderful family rivalry that comes along with it. See you have my Dad who will be a die-hard Cowboys fan until he finally kicks it and is buried in his blue and white coffin. Then you have my Mom and oldest sister who have a thing for Green Bay, mainly because they both have a thing for Brett Farve. (Who, on a side note, really needs to bow out gracefully before he can qualify for AARP.) Then my other sister (you know, the traitor that made me wear a kilt) likes the Patriots for the same reason, aka Tom Brady.
And last but not least you have my team THE BRONCOS! Yes, I also sport the orange and blue, and will never support those rotten no good Cowboys. (Unless they are playing the Patriots or the Packers and then it’s just to bug the girls.)
As you can probably guess, game day at my parent’s house is nothing if not interesting. We all show up like clockwork sporting our teams colors and armed with a barrage of insults to hurl at on another. Then we fight over who gets the good seats (Dad always wins) and crack a cold one while we get comfy. It’s the only time in my life that I have been allowed (even supported!) to yell at my sisters and call them rotten names without fear of retribution or punishment.
But as much as I love football, there have always been a few traditions that I just don’t get. And I would like to take a moment to point them out to you.
Shirtless Painted Guy
I have to admit that this is the one that probably gets me the most. I mean, why on earth would you strip down to your jeans and then cover your body in nothing but paint only to go stand in the cold for three to four hours? Oh, but they do usually throw on some kind of hat like that is going to make a difference when you are already half naked.
Makes less than no sense to me. I would be so focused on not shivering as the camera went by that there is no way that I could enjoy the game. I mean, I love my Broncox, but I can love them just as much fully clothed in my nice warm jersey and jacket.
And on a side note, how do these guys get home? Because you know that paint would get all over some poor saps car. Just a little something that I have always wondered, and now, you will too!
Beer/Soda Helmets
You know what I’m talking about. Those goofy contraptions that guys wear on their heads loaded with two beers and a long bendy straw. My question is, what on earth do you need your hands free for? To yell at the ref?
See, this is one that I have seen in action more than once, and it always ends badly. One of my sisters dated this guy that swore by his strange beer head contraption. But the thing was that every time I saw him use it he ended up with more beer on his person than in his person.
I will admit that the catastrophe happened a variety of different ways, such as spillage during set up, a low hanging door frame, and the ever dangerous post touchdown celebratory chest bump. All were fun to watch on my end, but none of the above made me want to jump on that fad train. It just made me want to point and laugh at the people who did.
Proposing over Jumbo-Trons
This is something that I have always found weird. I mean, what chick wants what they view as the most romantic moment of their life to take place in between replays of the other team scoring and the sound of the guy next to them cussing out the ref? But, since I am not a girl, I decided to get second and third opinions from people who were. And to be fair I sought out chicks who dig football as much as I do, namely my sisters.
As it turns out, they agree with me. (For once) So note to the fellas, if you are thinking about popping the big question, then do so in your own words. Don’t count on 60 feet of plasma to do it for you.
And I have to admit that even though I don’t necessarily understand all of the strange traditions that surround the wonderful game of football, just talking about them gets me all excited. Makes me think that its time to pull out the old foam finger and knock the dust off of my lucky socks, which are carefully double bagged and stored in the freezer in order to maintain their perfect unwashed state. Just perfect for propping up on one of my sisters when they least expect it.
Oh Yeah Baby! Football time is almost here!
I must say it is nice to be able to check out football, and I am happy I have a home to stay in and watch it, unlike some that are less fortunate.